Of all the defining moments in one's life; birth, first day of school, graduation, first job, first minor car accident etc etc, first drug test has to rank somewhere in the Top 10. Wednesday, May 23rd will forever be seared in my mind as a date of considerable import (not like anything else worth remembering happened... damn you AC Milan with the magnificant diving Gattuso and the phantom-groin-injury Inzaghi).
Anyway, drug test. Summer employer wishes summer employees to be drug free for some reason. So they sent us paperwork and told us how to get tested and even paid for it. Which was nice because I was certainly not going to dip into my own meager funds to have some scientist in Tennessee stare at my urine through a microscope. So we - we being Shahyan, Naynesh (India) and Iliana (Bulgaria) decided to go this afternoon and get the thing over with.
The first interesting thing was that they had a check in desk. With an attendant. But you had to sign in using their computerized registration system. So you never actually talked to anyone even though the lady was sitting right there staring at you. So we typed in our names... I went first ... S.H.A.H.Y.A.N. so I got called in first.
"Shenyen?? Are you Shenyen?" Apparently I was going to deal with the pee collector who couldn't read. "Did I misspell my name?" I asked her with no small air of condescension.
I wasn't alone.
Iliana became Liana. And Naynesh... haha... give the lady some credit... she started at his passport for a good 10 seconds and finally looked up at him and said, "How do you say this? I've already got names wrong today." So he told her. Later, she asked him if the three of us were from the same family. Apparently, in the lady's head, unpronounceable names translated to a bond of blood.
So that was our registration process. Once in the "room" there was all sorts of protocol to be followed. I had to wash my hands. With soap. I guess they were afraid I had walked into the place with my hands coated with urine altering substances. Then I had to empty my pockets of everything except keys and wallet. All of my information was being entered into a computer. It felt like an interrogation session. I began to wonder if the general intended to make me pee in front of her to make sure I wasn't cheating or anything.
But no, thank God. I was given a little container with a line drawn about a third of the way up. "You must collect up to the line." Yes, General. And led to a bathroom. Bathroom was inspected and toilet was flushed before I was allowed in. "You have four minutes to complete your collection." Yes, General. Complete my collection...
So, thanks to mass consumption of fluids earlier in the day, performance anxiety was effectively vanquished and I completed my collection with aplomb and no small amount of flair. Container sealed. Now I just had to wash my hands and leave the bathroom. But wait. Haha.
Sink. Check.
Taps. Check.
Water. NO
The threat of urine dilution holds great fear for the drug testers. They had turned off the water supply to the sinks in their testing areas. Talk about paranoid. Or maybe some underperforming souls turned to water to facilitate their collection reaching the all-important line... I don't know.
Anyway, back in the interrogation room, I had to sign 17 forms authorizing a bunch of MDs and PhDs to stare at my waste and judge my character and eating/drinking/smoking/inhaling/imbibing habits.
Results will be sent to the employer but, if I so desire, I can ask employer dear for a copy.
Gosh, I hope I do well.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Wolfowitz, Media, Mexicans
Wolfowitz
So Paul Wolfowitz is gone from the Presidency of the World Bank. Ha. Another neocon bites the dust. Now I am by no means a liberal (as the second half of this posting might hint) but it amuses me to see buffoons like Rumsfeld, to a great extent Cheney, now Wolfowitz and soon Gonzalez fall by the wayside. Maybe there is such a thing as karma. Although humiliation and derision for the remainder of their earthly existences are hardly commensurate punishments for their crimes against humanity.
It’s funny to see some analysts and self-important journalists discussing Wolfowitz’s dishonorable exit as a political outcome and pointing to his outspokenness as something that alienated his colleagues and doomed him from the get-go since "Wolfowitz, World Bank just didn't fit."
Are you for real?
That pathetic little man has always looked out for his own interests. He lied. He broke rules. He got caught. He’s been punished. Don’t use your pseudo-intellectual, pompous would-be political acumen to gloss over that.
It’s funny to see some analysts and self-important journalists discussing Wolfowitz’s dishonorable exit as a political outcome and pointing to his outspokenness as something that alienated his colleagues and doomed him from the get-go since "Wolfowitz, World Bank just didn't fit."
Are you for real?
That pathetic little man has always looked out for his own interests. He lied. He broke rules. He got caught. He’s been punished. Don’t use your pseudo-intellectual, pompous would-be political acumen to gloss over that.
Media
That being said, the image below points to the fact that the taste of the water one drinks depends entirely on the toilet one happens to be drinking out of. I did a Google News search on this fiasco and, lo and behold, the first two hits were
World Bank was Never a Good Fit
And
Wolfowitz, World Bank were a Perfect Match
That being said, the image below points to the fact that the taste of the water one drinks depends entirely on the toilet one happens to be drinking out of. I did a Google News search on this fiasco and, lo and behold, the first two hits were
World Bank was Never a Good Fit
And
Wolfowitz, World Bank were a Perfect Match
Meh. Media. Can’t trust a word. In the United States anyway… in Pakistan, the media these days is probably the only source you can trust. The politicians are all pathological.
Mexicans
Anyway, so, for the life of me, I can’t understand this whole amnesty scenario that’s been bouncing around in the corridors of power of the United States these past few years.
Brief Background:
There are millions of Mexicans in the United States illegally (and hundreds more entering every day) working in low income jobs. This is a problem because among many many issues, they can’t be taxed, employers can pay them lower than minimum wage, there is no count of how much they are contributing to or taking away from the economy and crime in their communities cannot be accurately reported or effectively combated. There have been all sorts of proposals on how to deal with this, the one gaining the most traction has been an amnesty plan that will allow all undocumented immigrants to come forward without penalty and begin a program that will lead them to US citizenship in a specified number of years.
Are you for real? This just blows my mind. I have to
- Jump through umpteen hoops (answer questions like "Are you a terrorist?") and wait three months to get a U.S. visa for legitimate purposes,
- Face snotty, blue eyed, blonde immigration officers at every port of entry I go through,
- Struggle with ridiculous amounts of protocol every time I want to fly anywhere
And those pipsqueaks can just run across the California border when it suits them and have citizenship handed to them on a silver platter?
Please. There’s something wrong with the picture here. When it comes to me and my people, America is all about rules and laws and security and you have to obey what we say, blah blah blah, this is our country, after all. Fine. Understandable, even.
But when it comes to Spanish-Speaking Southerners who surreptitiously sneak in and slyly steal your jobs, you’re all about rolling out the welcome mat? The laws of America suspended? George W. (the good one, Washington) must be turning in his grave. What is this? The United States of Hypocrisy?
Put them on buses. Send them back home. Put up that fence. And electrify it.
A country that cannot even respect its own rule of law cannot expect to thrive for long. If you don’t believe me, look at mine.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Karachi Bleeds. Again.
What I am posting about today is happening NOW. This isn’t one of my silly, nostalgic, much-ado-about-nothing postings. This is real, current and serious.
So the brother left this morning; he’s gone home for eight weeks or so to work in the desert on some engineering thing. I don’t know the details. Anyway, he’ll be landing at Quaid-e-Azam International Airport in Karachi some time Sunday morning. Whether or not he gets beyond the airport remains to be seen.
You are probably aware, if you have eyes and an internet connection, of the current situation in Karachi. If you are not (and best you not tell me if you aren’t), let me provide some context and background.
Early March, dear President Musharraf removes the Chief Justice of Pakistan Iftikhar Chaudhry on some “misuse of power” charge that no one can explain. Lawyers angry. The President has overstepped his bounds again. Protests. Support for Justice Chaudhry grows exponentially. Now for some reason, the gentleman decides that he needs to attend rallies in his support and become the poster boy for Pakistan’s constitution. Fine. Except this goes to anger the government. So, a quick recap. Judge rallying. Government angry.
Now, this weekend dear Justice ventures Karachi-ward. “I must show my face to my darling supporters in the port city as well.” The day of this rally (Saturday, May 12th 2007) dawned with the provincial government warning him to stay away for fear of violence. In true “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” fashion, Pakistan’s opposition parties decided to support Chaudhry and decry Musharraf. The MQM, the group of thugs that has been trying to run Karachi for the past 20 years, found itself in the same corner as Musharraf in this case and decided to stop any silly Chief Justice rally before it started.
Several hundred opposition party political activists were arrested on Friday night; interestingly, not one from the MQM. Overnight roadblocks appeared on city streets. Major thoroughfares were shut down. Shops and offices remained closed. Gunfights broke out. Cars and buses were burned. Journalists were shot. TV channels were threatened with dire consequences for broadcasting the truth. The MQM was showing its might. And the opposition could not bear this affront to its manhood. They had to fight back. Sweet, angelic Justice Chaudhry was stranded at the airport when he arrived. There was no way for him to enter the city. All this while, in the name of power, people died. One hundred wounded. Twenty seven not going home again. And the numbers continue to rise.
Let’s face it. The MQM needs to go. Now. They are what the IRA is to Northern Ireland, what ETA is to Spain and what the Tamil Tigers are to Sri Lanka. Terrorists. All they have done for our city in the past twenty years is call strikes, hold rallies, kill people, burn buses and extinguish hope. Some of our family members live in MQM controlled parts of the city. One year, on the occasion of Independence Day (August 14th), they had decorated their house with Pakistan flags (below).
A few hours later, MQM “representatives” showed up and demanded they replace the crescent-and-starred green and white (above) with the red, green and white of MQM (below).
Really patriotic, these thugs are.
And President Musharraf. If ever there was a disappointment, he is one. Eight years ago we thought we finally had a man with morals and principles to lead us.
No more power hungry dictators with God complexes.
No more bureaucracy and nepotism.
No more corruption.
No more fundamentalism.
No more power and water shortages.
No more of the elite stuffing their pockets while the common folk suffer.
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
He started out well, like so many of them do.
Pledges to improve Pakistan’s image abroad he delivered on to an extent.
But then he became President. Chief Executive wasn’t permanent enough I suppose.
And rigged elections so that the man who would listen to him would become Prime Minister. Shaukat Aziz, you pliable little ball of plasticine, you.
And he was cowed by the mullahs. What is so scary about those damn beards, anyway?
And he dismissed those who disagreed with him and his views. Such as the Chief Justice of Pakistan.
I hate to say it.
Pervez Musharraf has become George W. Bush.
Naively blind to his many faults.
Strangely content to ignore important issues.
Blatantly primitive in enforcing his will.
And bafflingly ignorant when it comes to the good of his people.
I’d say he needs to go. Now. But there is no one to take his place. Incredible as it may sound, he’s probably still the best of a bad lot. And that means my city, not to mention my country, is in big big trouble.
Right here, right now, there are no answers.
So the brother left this morning; he’s gone home for eight weeks or so to work in the desert on some engineering thing. I don’t know the details. Anyway, he’ll be landing at Quaid-e-Azam International Airport in Karachi some time Sunday morning. Whether or not he gets beyond the airport remains to be seen.
You are probably aware, if you have eyes and an internet connection, of the current situation in Karachi. If you are not (and best you not tell me if you aren’t), let me provide some context and background.
Early March, dear President Musharraf removes the Chief Justice of Pakistan Iftikhar Chaudhry on some “misuse of power” charge that no one can explain. Lawyers angry. The President has overstepped his bounds again. Protests. Support for Justice Chaudhry grows exponentially. Now for some reason, the gentleman decides that he needs to attend rallies in his support and become the poster boy for Pakistan’s constitution. Fine. Except this goes to anger the government. So, a quick recap. Judge rallying. Government angry.
Now, this weekend dear Justice ventures Karachi-ward. “I must show my face to my darling supporters in the port city as well.” The day of this rally (Saturday, May 12th 2007) dawned with the provincial government warning him to stay away for fear of violence. In true “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” fashion, Pakistan’s opposition parties decided to support Chaudhry and decry Musharraf. The MQM, the group of thugs that has been trying to run Karachi for the past 20 years, found itself in the same corner as Musharraf in this case and decided to stop any silly Chief Justice rally before it started.
Several hundred opposition party political activists were arrested on Friday night; interestingly, not one from the MQM. Overnight roadblocks appeared on city streets. Major thoroughfares were shut down. Shops and offices remained closed. Gunfights broke out. Cars and buses were burned. Journalists were shot. TV channels were threatened with dire consequences for broadcasting the truth. The MQM was showing its might. And the opposition could not bear this affront to its manhood. They had to fight back. Sweet, angelic Justice Chaudhry was stranded at the airport when he arrived. There was no way for him to enter the city. All this while, in the name of power, people died. One hundred wounded. Twenty seven not going home again. And the numbers continue to rise.
Let’s face it. The MQM needs to go. Now. They are what the IRA is to Northern Ireland, what ETA is to Spain and what the Tamil Tigers are to Sri Lanka. Terrorists. All they have done for our city in the past twenty years is call strikes, hold rallies, kill people, burn buses and extinguish hope. Some of our family members live in MQM controlled parts of the city. One year, on the occasion of Independence Day (August 14th), they had decorated their house with Pakistan flags (below).
A few hours later, MQM “representatives” showed up and demanded they replace the crescent-and-starred green and white (above) with the red, green and white of MQM (below).
Really patriotic, these thugs are.
And President Musharraf. If ever there was a disappointment, he is one. Eight years ago we thought we finally had a man with morals and principles to lead us.
No more power hungry dictators with God complexes.
No more bureaucracy and nepotism.
No more corruption.
No more fundamentalism.
No more power and water shortages.
No more of the elite stuffing their pockets while the common folk suffer.
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
He started out well, like so many of them do.
Pledges to improve Pakistan’s image abroad he delivered on to an extent.
But then he became President. Chief Executive wasn’t permanent enough I suppose.
And rigged elections so that the man who would listen to him would become Prime Minister. Shaukat Aziz, you pliable little ball of plasticine, you.
And he was cowed by the mullahs. What is so scary about those damn beards, anyway?
And he dismissed those who disagreed with him and his views. Such as the Chief Justice of Pakistan.
I hate to say it.
Pervez Musharraf has become George W. Bush.
Naively blind to his many faults.
Strangely content to ignore important issues.
Blatantly primitive in enforcing his will.
And bafflingly ignorant when it comes to the good of his people.
I’d say he needs to go. Now. But there is no one to take his place. Incredible as it may sound, he’s probably still the best of a bad lot. And that means my city, not to mention my country, is in big big trouble.
Right here, right now, there are no answers.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Six Reasons They’ll Make It Six In Europe
6 bankable reasons Liverpool FC will defeat AC Milan in Athens on May 23rd 2007 to win their 6th (count it) European Champions League Crown:
1. If a three goal cushion in a Champions League final won’t allow you to beat a team (2005 y’all), nothing will. Liverpool is to AC Milan what a heel was to Achilles. Or something.
2. Kaka is Bhagga’s brother. Bhagga is the name of the custodian who has worked for our family for donkey’s years. Kaka is not a footballer. Kaka is Bhagga’s brother.
3. A name like Gattuso will only Gat U So far. Hahahahaha.
4. Liverpool doesn’t lose in red. Liverpool will be wearing red. Liverpool doesn’t lose in Europe. Last I heard, Athens is in Europe.
5. Rafa Benitez. Any manager who can calmly sit cross-legged (or Indian style, as they say) on a football field while his team is in a penalty shoot out (this versus Chelsea last week) has to be half-god. He even checks his watch. Haha.
6. Steven Gerrard.
Olympiakos. Conquered.
"Mellor. . . Lovely cushion header. . for GERRARRDDD!! Ohhhhh you beauty!! What a hit son, What - a - hit!!"
West Ham United. Conquered.
"GERRAAAAARD!! OOOhhhh!! Stunning!!"
AC Milan 2005. Conquered.
"In towards GERRARD!! Hello!! Here we go!!"
And, dare I say, AC Milan 2007.
I dare.
Conquered.
P.S: This is the first time I've actually put some sort of multimedia in my postings. Little blogger boy is growing up.
1. If a three goal cushion in a Champions League final won’t allow you to beat a team (2005 y’all), nothing will. Liverpool is to AC Milan what a heel was to Achilles. Or something.
2. Kaka is Bhagga’s brother. Bhagga is the name of the custodian who has worked for our family for donkey’s years. Kaka is not a footballer. Kaka is Bhagga’s brother.
3. A name like Gattuso will only Gat U So far. Hahahahaha.
4. Liverpool doesn’t lose in red. Liverpool will be wearing red. Liverpool doesn’t lose in Europe. Last I heard, Athens is in Europe.
5. Rafa Benitez. Any manager who can calmly sit cross-legged (or Indian style, as they say) on a football field while his team is in a penalty shoot out (this versus Chelsea last week) has to be half-god. He even checks his watch. Haha.
6. Steven Gerrard.
Olympiakos. Conquered.
"Mellor. . . Lovely cushion header. . for GERRARRDDD!! Ohhhhh you beauty!! What a hit son, What - a - hit!!"
West Ham United. Conquered.
"GERRAAAAARD!! OOOhhhh!! Stunning!!"
AC Milan 2005. Conquered.
"In towards GERRARD!! Hello!! Here we go!!"
And, dare I say, AC Milan 2007.
I dare.
Conquered.
P.S: This is the first time I've actually put some sort of multimedia in my postings. Little blogger boy is growing up.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Go Away
The title of this post I say, firmly yet politely, to each of the individuals or entities below.
Hillary Clinton
Go away.
Every word out of that – and I hate to demean her gender by calling her a – woman’s mouth is calculated and self-promoting. My stomach churns every time I hear her speak. She wants to be President to be President, nothing more – no values, no stand, no morals. And what’s even more worrying is that an electorate that was stupid enough to re-elect Bush is more than stupid enough to send the ambitious demon thing-in-the-guise-of-a-woman to the White House. *sigh*
Undergraduates
Go away.
It is 1:40 a.m. right now. I would like to be asleep. But we live next to undergraduates. And they are having a “party.” There is drinking, some yelling, blaring music with little or no rhythmic appeal and tons of loud, pointless conversation. There are about 60 people in the backyard of the house next to ours. I bet none of them could muster a 1300 on the SATs (and that’s the new one too, out of 2400). Obnoxious undergraduates who like to drink and be loud with no concern for those around them are a symbol of all that is wrong with America. George W was one, after all. As I said to Clay, I didn’t really like undergraduates when I was one. God, how I hate them now. I mean strongly dislike. Not hate. Not hate. Strongly dislike.
Cristiano Ronaldo
Go away.
Poor Mr. Cry-baby-diving-to-win-free-kicks-with-a-head-too-big-for-his-loser’s-hat needs to straighten out or take a hike. Yes, your footwork is pretty but you’re an arrogant little prat who isn’t above cheating to get ahead. Shame on you. And your whiny, hypocritical, look-at-me-praying-to-the-virgin-Mary-for-redemption act every time you get a card isn't impressing anyone.
Entertainment TV (of any kind)
Go away.
No one cares that someone has new footage of Anna Nicole kissing her son, Daniel (while both were still alive, of course). Also, no one cares that Britney Spears prefers being naked to being clothed. And no one cares that Paris Hilton can’t sing.
Progressive Insurance
Go away.
So Progressive is supposed to quote you their rates and the rates of their competitors so you can find the best deal on insurance with only one call. Turns out, while they’re “saving you the trouble,” they’re actually running a credit report on you and, if they don’t like what they see, they’ll tell you Geico or All State has better rates than they do. I called them when I got my car in 2003. The “helpful” fellow on the line told me All State would be my best bet. Bah. If I ever have a good credit rating, Progressive will not have my business. Ever.
Dick Cheney
Go away.
Seriously now. Is there a person alive (except Cheney himself… well, he’s barely alive, but still) who disagrees with me? Every day of his snarly voiced, crooked mouthed existence is a dagger in the heart of humanity.
Also on the list but not in the spotlight this time, the entire Duke University men’s basketball team (including and especially the coaches); undergraduates; several idiot fundamentalist mullahs back home in Pakistan; people who force their beliefs on others; undergraduates; the anchors, talk show hosts, employees and anyone affiliated with Fox News; those who travel the world, have nice houses and possessions and then complain about being poor; undergraduates; Russell Crowe (seriously, who throws a phone at a concierge?); John McCain (likeable maverick turned senile buffoon… it’s quite sad really); Nicaragua (long story) and undergraduates.
Did I mention undergraduates?
Hillary Clinton
Go away.
Every word out of that – and I hate to demean her gender by calling her a – woman’s mouth is calculated and self-promoting. My stomach churns every time I hear her speak. She wants to be President to be President, nothing more – no values, no stand, no morals. And what’s even more worrying is that an electorate that was stupid enough to re-elect Bush is more than stupid enough to send the ambitious demon thing-in-the-guise-of-a-woman to the White House. *sigh*
Undergraduates
Go away.
It is 1:40 a.m. right now. I would like to be asleep. But we live next to undergraduates. And they are having a “party.” There is drinking, some yelling, blaring music with little or no rhythmic appeal and tons of loud, pointless conversation. There are about 60 people in the backyard of the house next to ours. I bet none of them could muster a 1300 on the SATs (and that’s the new one too, out of 2400). Obnoxious undergraduates who like to drink and be loud with no concern for those around them are a symbol of all that is wrong with America. George W was one, after all. As I said to Clay, I didn’t really like undergraduates when I was one. God, how I hate them now. I mean strongly dislike. Not hate. Not hate. Strongly dislike.
Cristiano Ronaldo
Go away.
Poor Mr. Cry-baby-diving-to-win-free-kicks-with-a-head-too-big-for-his-loser’s-hat needs to straighten out or take a hike. Yes, your footwork is pretty but you’re an arrogant little prat who isn’t above cheating to get ahead. Shame on you. And your whiny, hypocritical, look-at-me-praying-to-the-virgin-Mary-for-redemption act every time you get a card isn't impressing anyone.
Entertainment TV (of any kind)
Go away.
No one cares that someone has new footage of Anna Nicole kissing her son, Daniel (while both were still alive, of course). Also, no one cares that Britney Spears prefers being naked to being clothed. And no one cares that Paris Hilton can’t sing.
Progressive Insurance
Go away.
So Progressive is supposed to quote you their rates and the rates of their competitors so you can find the best deal on insurance with only one call. Turns out, while they’re “saving you the trouble,” they’re actually running a credit report on you and, if they don’t like what they see, they’ll tell you Geico or All State has better rates than they do. I called them when I got my car in 2003. The “helpful” fellow on the line told me All State would be my best bet. Bah. If I ever have a good credit rating, Progressive will not have my business. Ever.
Dick Cheney
Go away.
Seriously now. Is there a person alive (except Cheney himself… well, he’s barely alive, but still) who disagrees with me? Every day of his snarly voiced, crooked mouthed existence is a dagger in the heart of humanity.
Also on the list but not in the spotlight this time, the entire Duke University men’s basketball team (including and especially the coaches); undergraduates; several idiot fundamentalist mullahs back home in Pakistan; people who force their beliefs on others; undergraduates; the anchors, talk show hosts, employees and anyone affiliated with Fox News; those who travel the world, have nice houses and possessions and then complain about being poor; undergraduates; Russell Crowe (seriously, who throws a phone at a concierge?); John McCain (likeable maverick turned senile buffoon… it’s quite sad really); Nicaragua (long story) and undergraduates.
Did I mention undergraduates?
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