I'm So Annoyed

So I am seriously annoyed (Annoy is the blogword of the week, by the way) by

People who “know” they’re going to Heaven
This goes for anyone who thinks this but is directed mainly towards the Christian types. For crying out loud, who died and made you Jesus?

...Was that an inappropriate comment? No… I don’t think so… gosh, I hope not. Clearly, I am NOT fortunate enough to know I am going to Heaven. Otherwise I would not be wasting valuable time worrying over the appropriateness of my blog postings. I’d be Heaven bound… F**k s**t c**k b**ch!! It doesn’t matter!! I can say what I want because I am going to HEAVEN!! F**k s**t c**k b**ch again!!!!!

People who type “your” when they mean “you’re” and “their” when they mean “there” or “they’re” or any combination of the three.
Seriously people, this is the 21st century. If you’re on a computer, go to www.dictionary.com and get yourself an education. Oh, and the BIG gear grinder: People who type “definately” or “defenately” or any other incorrect form of the word DEFINITELY. Fine, forget dictionary.com. AT LEAST use your damn spell check.
*fumes out his ears*

Parents who can’t keep their kids quiet on airplanes
“Thank you for flying So-and-So Airlines. We hope you have a pleasant flight” Pleasant flight my foot! Only if you smother the bawling one year old in the seat behind me with a large pillow. That’ll teach incompetent parents to have kids. Haha! Couldn’t control your child?? Now he’s dead!! You killed him!! Yes, you!! No, not the pillow – YOU!!

"Ladies and gentlemen, since this is an overnight flight, we will now be dimming the cabin lights for those of you who wish to –"
"Waaaaaaaaaa –"

Now I like kids and babies as much as the next man (or woman even, seriously, infants and toddlers are cool) but not when you’re confined to 8 cubic feet for upwards of 7 hours. Come on parents, haven’t you heard of sedatives? Tranquilizers? Darts? Frying pans? Sledgehammers?

No, I have no children of my own. I will no doubt feel terribly guilty and ashamed if I ever read this post of mine as a father, but whatever. Live for the moment, yes? F**k s**t c**k b**ch!!!

Most conservative radio talk show hosts here in the United States
Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck and so on and so forth. Sean Hannity, how I hate you. Sorry, hate is such a strong word, right mother? Sean Hannity, how I really really really really strongly dislike you (to the point of hating you, but who's measuring?). You and your fellow right-wing air wave befoulers are nothing but a bunch of ignorant know nothings, your expensive shirts hardly able to contain your self-importance and misconceived righteousness (and your no doubt large, pasty white stomachs too). Yes, I do listen to you from time to time. When I’m in the mood for FICTION. Oh snap!

People who say "Blame the terrorists"
to rationalize every injustice the "free world" perpetrates upon us and justify every atrocity it commits in the name of "freedom."

*multiple expletives deleted* *post edited for content and clarity* *additional expletives deleted*

*post terminated*

Sencetac, Menoplatz, "Beaches"

So this post is being written as though I have a plane to catch… because I DO have a plane to catch… hahahahahaha… *sigh* More on that later.

The first year MBAs (i.e. myself and one hundred and thirty three others) in the Fisher College of Business at THE Ohio State University were enrolled in EPI this past quarter. EPI stands for Enhancing Professional Interchange, a glorified name for a course that would have done just as well had it been called “Presenting-so-that-those-listening/watching-do-not-fall-asleep.” It was, shockingly, a useful course and I, shockingly, learned a lot. Anyway, one of the activities our professor had for us early on (Week 2 maybe?) was talking about made up words. He had about 40 such words on the board (venimisious, jorman etc etc) and we each had to pick one and explain what it meant. I myself ended up with sencetac, which was cleverly crafted into a story about our kitchen sink attacking me. Get it? Sink Attack? Hahahaha…… My teammate Tom picked the word menoplatz, which, as he eruditely explained, was the place her family goes to hide when a woman goes through menopause. Witty, isn’t he?

EPI was, shockingly, quite an enjoyable course… we had a nice mix of Americans and foreigners as well. During one presentation, one of the internationals was talking about the beautiful beaches of Florida, but she said beaches they way you would say beaches if you said itch instead of each and itches instead of eaches… you figure it out. Poor Tom about cracked up and there were a lot of hands over smiling mouths all around… good times good times.

Anyway, to the airport!
Vamos al aeropuerto!
Zum flughafen!

I Knelt To Pray But Not For Long

I found this poem a long time ago in one of my mother’s home remedy books (of all things)… I like it because it rhymes, like my raps, and because you get the “Oh crap, I better get my act together” feeling at the end. I couldn’t find it online anywhere so you’re basically looking at exclusive content… like everything I post, except this isn’t mine… I don’t know who wrote this so I can’t give him or her credit for it.

Anyway, here:

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
Must hurry off and get to work,
For bills will soon be due,
All through the day I had no time
To speak a word of cheer;
No time to speak of God to friends,
They would laugh at me I feared.
No time, no time, too much to do
That was my constant cry;
No time to give to those in need,
At last it was time to die.
And when before my God I came,
I stood with downcast eyes;
Within His hands He held a book,
It was the Book of Life.
God looked into His Book and said:
"Your name I cannot find;
I once was going to write it down,
But never found the time."

And the moral of the story is: He who disses last disses best.