Shocking Pink Curtains

So I send my parents emails from time to time; I try to send at least 3 or 4 every week. The parents write back as often as electricity and our internet service providers allow. My mother is effectively the spokesparent. My dad emails occasionally, the most notable missive from him being the email he sent to tell me to not get my ear pierced after I had sent home an email (WITH attached photograph) telling them I had ALREADY got it done...

Anyway, I look forward to these emails from my mother as they usually contain news of stuff from back home that I used to be involved in - mass murder, violent protests and such and such... no, not really... though that would make me an altogether more interesting person... and probably a more entertaining blogger. Maybe when I go home this Summer...

What dear mother's emails ACTUALLY contain are little tid bits about life in K-Town, KYC, KHI (for you airport code types). Road closures, sweepress absent for four days straight, new restaurant opening, old ladies falling off cliffs... you know.

So we moved into a new house a year and a half ago, and since it's a big house (and we're little people), we're still in the process of "finishing" it. Not all the rooms have tables, carpets (and in some cases, floors) yet. I get messages every week about progress made; kitchen light finally working, new side table, plants in the garden etc etc. And its nice. I usually make note of the small enhancements to our abode and store them in my mind (from where they inevitably disappear somehow... head like a hole).

So the latest small enhancement is curtains for yours truly's bedroom. Normally, knowledge that my room was getting curtains would be a source of joy to me... but in this case, I'm not sure what to think. I have reproduced for you (completely unedited) the line from my mother's latest email that informs us of this impending addition:

"ordered curtains for ur room [ hope ull like ..shocking pink ..muhahaha]...now looking for blinds for f s room and cellar"

*sigh*

Notice first of all that my brother (F happens to be my brother) gets BLINDS - nice twisty blinds that are convenient to open and close. Also notice that even our CELLAR is worthy of blinds, but I'm having bulky, clothy, un-twist-and-open-able curtains foisted on me. Not too big of a deal. But still, gripe-able.

Second, they're SHOCKING PINK. Now you may laugh this off as a joke but I wouldn't put it past my dear mother to actually do something like that... "But son, they create such a lovely contrast with your grey-blue marble floor" or "Son, I thought you'd appreciate them given your long hair and earring" or "No boy has shocking pink curtains in his room; don't you want to be different?"

"hope ull like" she says. NO I WONT LIKE.

So how many mothers out there actually use the evil laugh (muahaha) on THEIR OWN OFFSPRING?? How horrible is that?? I didn't think it was possible, even in jest (maybe I'm naiive?)... then today happened...

"What's for dinner mom?"
"Broccoli and cabbage... muhahaha"

"Can I go out and play?"
"Only after you clean your room... muahahahaha"

"What color curtains are you getting for me, your 24-soon-to-be-25 year old son?"
"Shocking pink... hope ull like... muhahaha"

The orb of security that enveloped me when my mother was near (in spirit even, if not in person) to nurture and protect me has now been shattered. I am alone, cold and defenseless. Orbless mishaps in a cruel world by day. Shocking pink curtains in my nightmares. Muhahaha.

Childhood is over.