Chicago, MJ and Communism

Sorry for the long absence. No, I’m really not. I felt like it. So deal with it. It really hasn’t been a blogging couple of weeks for me, but it’s about time I gave in to the demands of the starving-for-blog-entries-of-substance populace. So here you are. This is kind of a clip show, except not really. These are miniblogs packaged neatly into one large entry. I’m so talented.

Chicago
I went to Chicago a week or so ago. Nice city. Except the women there have some sort of sunglasses fetish (or is it sunglass fetish? No, that can’t be right.). I tell you each pair I saw was more obscene than the last one. One girl (I assume she was a girl because she had an annoying, high-pitched voice, smelled like an accident in a perfumery, and got on the subway right by DePaul University’s Lincoln Park campus) sported a MASSIVE lime green number. I could barely see her face, I tell you. Frankly, I think she had some sort of disease. Why else would you allow yourself to be seen cavorting on a subway train with a hideous lime green accessory perched on your nose? I leave you to ponder this deep question of incredible philosophical import.

Michael Jackson
Honestly, this man was better off black. Think about it. Parents of white children wouldn’t leave their kids overnight with a black man now, would they? And then we wouldn’t be in the middle of all of this molestation instead of PlayStation business.
And yeah, coming to court in pajama pants? Bad idea. That’s going to make the jury think you just got out of bed. And since you’re in court basically for a lot of crap you allegedly did in bed, your bed is the last thing you want jurors to be thinking of. Unless you like one of them. And she really likes you. And the two of you think you may have kids together one day. Yeah. Snowball’s chance in Hell. I know.

Communist Text Messages
Russia’s Communist Party is turning to text messaging as a means of drawing people into the party fold, says Yahoo. I’m not posting the link to the story because the links are dead in a couple of days anyway and then my blog looks bad. We’re all about appearances here at The Foreigner House, you see.
Anyway, so the Commies think sending text messages back and forth is going to revitalize their dying ideology. Pretty hilarious what? Imagine what those conversations would be like.

Vladimir: Communism forever! Da?
Boris: Da! By the way, I’m all out of toilet paper. Can I borrow some of yours?
Vladimir: Nyett! I’m all out too. Don’t worry. Only 14 moons till the next distribution.
Boris: Thank God. I’m down to the last 3 strips of my wife’s wedding dress.
Vladimir: We’re so fortunate to live in a State that can’t provide its citizens with toilet paper!
Boris: Communism forever!

I’m not sure they use the word “moons” in Russia so much. But still, nice Native American touch, wouldn’t you say?

And I’m done.