Zimbabwe + Religion = Failure

Yes, this is now incredibly old news but since I have been out of it for so long and I do have thoughts on the matter, I am going to go ahead and share them anyway.

Two reasons Pakistan is out of the World Cup (or as the money grabbing morons at the International Cricket Council would rather we call it, the ICC Cricket World Cup West Indies 2007).

Zimbabwe
I'm shocked no one has even thought to bring this up. If Zimbabwe had beaten Ireland like they were supposed to, Pakistan's gormless capitulation to the team of happy leprechauns would have been inconsequential. A victory over Zimbabwe in the final group game would have left all three teams tied at 2 points and Pakistan would have gone through on net run rate. Instead, the wretched African wretches wretchedly allowed the in-all-likelihood-drunk Irishmen to TIE the game, giving them the point that saw them through. That's what cost us advancement: A single miserable South Central African run. This is not Pakistan's fault by any stretch. Don't blame the team. Boycott Zimbabwe and freeze diplomatic relations with them. It's not like they have any troubles of their own.

Religion
It turns out that our dear cricket team spent more time in the West Indies preaching and indulging in sickening public displays of religiosity than actually doing what they were supposed to i.e. not playing cricket like a group of adolescent girls who would rather be watching Fashion TV than elevating their maligned, downtrodden nation's status. Now I have issues with today's religion (especially the organized kind) and displays of religiosity anyway. But this just takes the cake. For many reasons:

Preaching
I disagree with the whole concept of preaching anyway. Words don't change people. Actions do. If you want to "preach," walk the walk and don't talk the talk. If you want people to "convert," be what you believe and they will eventually see the good in what you are, assuming there is any. Preaching is annoying, complacent and frankly, an insult to anyone you choose to direct your attentions to. And coming from cricketers who have hardly been model citizens their entire lives and have no right to impose their beliefs on anyone, it can only be worse. Shame on them.

Demonstrations of Purity
If you must be holy and good and kind and saintly, be so for God and to help others, not to show people how holy and good and kind and saintly you are. Photographs of our dear cricket team praying together on a lawn do not impress me – they make me wonder how many of those spineless hypocrites actually embody the good qualities prescribed by any major religion (decency, honesty, humility) in their private lives. Reports of drinking and infighting in the Pakistan team have never been unusual. Add to that the issues of doping, match-fixing and cronyism and you wonder who they're trying to fool. Even our beloved captain, Inzamam-ul-Haq, fancied himself an autocrat in the latter stages of his tenure. Your long beard cannot hide your hubris, cricketer-formerly-known-as-potato.

Hypocrisy
Blah blah blah, we're spreading Islam, how dare you question us??? Yes, very nice. But you cannot spread Islam by:

• Being under the cloud of a doping controversy for the past 8 months
• Failing to adhere to even the basic values of Islam of hard work, perseverance and commitment to goals (remember the Ireland game?)
• Displaying complete ignorance of the etiquette required when a friend and mentor passes by turning the entire incident into a circus (retirements and inquests into defeats, however pathetic, are NOT important the day after a significant death)
• Failing to put up even the semblance of a respectable performance when the hopes of millions were riding on you. I have been a Pakistani a long time (my whole life actually) and I know we do not expect our teams to win all the time, but we do expect them to show some heart and commitment. Many times after tough losses I have heard people call into radio shows to express their pride and pledge support to the team that tried its best. We are not an unreasonable people. All we want is some effort from our boys. Instead we get embarrassment, humiliation, degradation and, worst of all, asphyxiation.

The Irish are proving to be better global citizens than the Pakistanis in this case. They are enjoying themselves, playing with heart and enthusiasm and staying out of trouble. Maybe we should all convert to their religion… what is it? Alcoholism?