Iran What?

Vladimir Putin just said he is convinced that Iran doesn't have nuclear weapons. And I'm inclined to believe him. What could he possibly have to gain from such a statement anyway? After all, it's not as though Russia is helping Iran build an $800/- million, 1000 Megawatt nuclear reactor in the Southern Iranian city of Bushehr... oh...

Honestly people, could politicians BE (insert Chandleresque intonation here) worse liars? Hell, for 800 million of the very best, I'd stand in front of the world and say that the Democratic Party is still a force in United States politics. I'd actually do it for a lot less, but 800 million is the figure we've been given so work with me.

Simple math:
Iran does not have: Nuclear Weapons
Iran feels threatened by: The United States and Israel
The United States and Israel** have: Nuclear Weapons
The United States also has: Nuculur Weapons (No one really knows what those are yet. It's really rather worrying, these obscure technological advances that the US keeps making).
Iran wants: Nuclear Weapons
Russia has: Nuclear Weapons
Russia pretends to like but secretly hopes will fall flat on its face: The United States
Russia pretends to like but honestly doesn't care for: Israel
Iran realizes that it needs: Russia
Russia enjoys annoying: The United States
So Russia decides to help: Iran
Build: Nuclear Weapons
But neither Iran or Russia want to be attacked by: Israel or the United States
So they say the nuclear aid is for peaceful purposes not: Nuclear Weapons
But, surprise surprise, Iran now has: Nuclear Weapons
"Suckers!" says: Iran

**If you're going to tell me Israel doesn't have nuclear weapons, you're a liar (or worse, a politician), and are going to die a horrible, lonely death. It won't be STD-related though. (You should be so lucky.)

You see how this works? We could simulate the relationship between Israel and the United States using the same model by making the following adjustments to the above syntax:

Replace Russia with The United States
Replace The United States with Russia
Replace Iran with Israel
Replace Israel with Iran

Sometime soon, just for kicks, we're going to throw India and Pakistan into the mix. Whoa... I think I feel some poetry coming on.

Sometime soon, just for kicks
Introduce South Asia into the mix
Invite the North Koreans too
Their last gripe was overdue
The U.S., Israel and Iran
You can't forget Afghanistan
The Russians just might pee their pants
If China skipped and so did France
The United Kingdom will be there
For Blair's the dog in Bush's care
We're a nuclear family
No, you cannot join for free
In fact you cannot join at all
Unless you do...

Okay, I lost it... but it was good while it lasted.